FEMALE - DONNA

DONNA
Donna unfolds the pitfalls ofseeing a married man.

There was never any secret. I knew from the first he was a married man. So, I can't blame him. And, at first, it worked out okay. I'd made up my mind to accept the fact that there was no future. But as time went on, and I fell more and more in love, it became harder and harder to accept the fact that it was a totally hopeless situation.

In the beginning you sell yourself on the realities. I mean, you're an adult, you're going into this thing with your eyes wide open, right? And all of this sounds good at first, you buy into all the cliches. But where there are really deep feelings involved, well ... you can't intellectualize when it comes to feelings.

We met once a week. At my apartment. We never had weekends together, that was understood from the first. His weekends were reserved for his family. Initially this was okay, but after a while I wanted more of him and I began to resent him for being with another woman, a woman who obviously still had a hold on him and he respected.

Little by little, I grew to resent him-the whole situation. Even though I loved him, I started to grow angry deep down inside. And, after a while, this anger begins to eat away at you and it takes over and things are said which lead to arguments and uglies. And even though you make up, there is this residual anger that continues to undercut and there are lingering resentments and psychological reprisals. And once this happens, it's the beginning of the end.

I haven't seen Dave in over six months. And I still love him. Maybe I always will. But the whole thing was a lie, false. A woman needs her self-respect, needs hope and something solid and love that's free and open. And besides, there's something just plain sick about being involved with another woman's man.