LISA
Lisa speaks before her chapter of AA.
I started drinking about seven years ago. Casually, at first. Beer and wine. Harmless enough, I thought. At least it seemed so at the time. I mean ... I was having fun, so-so why not, okay?
The habit crept up on me subtly, slowly taking over my life. I first realized I had a serious problem when drinking was no longer enjoyable. And afterward I felt flat and depressed. By then, though, I needed it. I had to have it. I was hooked.
At first, I thought I could shake it. But I couldn't. I tried but ... I couldn't. Every commitment I made to quit, I broke.
I was slipping more and more into the alcoholic pattern: Reckless behavior, car wrecks, trouble with relationships, murderoushangovers, waking up in strange beds. And my job was going straight to hell, too. Then there were the overpowering feelings of guilt and remorse and hating myself and all of that. Which became this terrible nightmare of a cycle, you know. Repeating itself over and over until I was on the bottom emotionally, constantly depressed, feeling utterly worthless and afraid.
Then finally, thank God, I called AA. I finally got up the nerve to face up, to come to grips with my problem. And that was the turning point; that's when I started coming back, regaining my self-respect.
It's been nearly a year since I've had a drink. A year this next Tuesday, to be exact. I'm making it. By God, I'm making it. One day at a time.
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